Building People, Building Dreams Pt 2 - 'Dead Relationships'

About a month or so ago, I had one of (if not) the most physical painful experience of my life!...A broken tooth that I had at the back of my mouth had developed an infection and caused a huge swelling on the right side of my face to the point that one side of my face doubled in size...it was that bad! The pressure from the infection was so much that it affected 3 of my other healthy teeth, causing them to experience pain too. Because the puss from the infection had grown so thick, the antibiotics could not penetrate the infection, therefore the dentist had to lacerate the swelling with a knife (without anaesthesia by the way). I had never felt that kind of pain before and pray I will never have to again!!

You see, the truth of the matter was I brought the whole experience on myself! How? You might say. Well...about a year ago my tooth’s filling had dropped out and had left a hole. The tooth itself had eventually died...so basically what was left in my mouth was a dead tooth that had a gaping whole in it. Wisdom would say 'remove the tooth immediately' before it gets infected and begins to hurt and affect your other teeth right? But no...I waited until something terribly painful happened whereby I was FORCED to take it out! If I had removed the tooth as soon as the filling had dropped out or refilled it with a new one...the pain from doing that would have been very minor in comparison to what I later had to experience!! Not only did I have to spend 3 days in bed, pay dentist and prescription fees, have my inner cheek lacerated, and have an ugly face for almost one week, I also could not eat any proper food, neither could I speak properly for 2 days – all because I did not get rid of the dead tooth when I was supposed to!

Sometimes we do this with our relationships. Many a time when a relationship we’re in has died, to avoid the pain or discomfort of not having the person in our lives anymore, we still stay in some sort of a relationship with them even though we know the relationship is over - Not healthy! Just like my dead tooth, anything that is dead will eventually decay and cause a lot more pain than the initial extraction and will inevitably affect other areas of your life! The truth is I could have prevented my tooth from dying by refilling my tooth with a new filling as soon as it dropped out, but I was lazy and I didn’t. Sometimes, relationships can be saved if we deal with the problem(s) within a reasonable amount of time, but if we avoid dealing with the problems within good timing then the relationship will eventually die – and that’s when EXTRACTION needs to take place – and it’s best that it is sooner rather than later!. It is painful, and you will be sore for a while but it’s necessary so as to avoid any other damage to the other areas your life and to prevent even more pain in the future.

What are the consequences of keeping a dead relationship? - The consequences vary from one case to another, but one thing is for certain things only get worse! Some people have kept old boyfriends and girlfriends in their lives and in turn compare every other prospective partner with their ex – partner wife/husband, expecting their new partner to be a replica of the one they are still holding on to (physically or emotionally) but can no longer have. For you to really experience a fresh and fulfilling relationship – the old must go first!
Some people have kept old friends in their lives who they know are not trustworthy, but you still tell them your business anyway – then they get mad and feel so hurt the person betrayed them – crazy!
Some employers have kept employees on the job knowing full well, that that particular employee is not fit to undertake the role given to them, and would do much better elsewhere! Many a time this happens because the employer too lazy to search for someone better or he/she does not see the obtaining of a different person as a priority, not knowing that when the unfit employee finally does enough damage to the company's progress and productivity, the repair process the company will need to go through would most likely be very long and strenuous.

If you know that you are in a dead relationship, ask yourself the following things:

What good is coming out of this relationship for either party?

What negative effects is this relationship having on my mind and emotions?

How is this relationship affecting my other relationships (negatively or positively)?

How is this relationship affecting my productivity and fruitfulness?

In what areas are we positively affecting each other?

In the long run, how are we going to benefit from being in a relationship with one another?

Would I experience more negative emotions if the person/people were out of my life, rather than when they are in my life?

Am I truly happy and at peace with the way things are, or am I trying to convince myself that the situation is not really what is, because of the fear of losing their presence that I’ve become so used to?

Am I staying in this just to protect my image and not give other people something to talk about – after all what would PEOPLE (friends, enemies, colleagues, admirers etc.) say if this thing finally ends!!?

You know when something is eventually going to cause you damage (some more severe than others!) therefore, be wise and GET RID of it before you are put in a situation where you forced to do it in not so pleasant circumstances!

The best thing is to be real with yourself and the situation; you owe yourself the best in life! You have the right to be happy and have a fulfilling life – not just managing your circumstances, when deep down you know there’s a much better option for you out there. Allow yourself to experience the temporal (although maybe excruciating) pain of permanently letting go - you’ll be a lot more at peace and happier in the long run!

I remember that just the thought of having my tooth pulled out sent a shiver down my spine, but I knew that it had to be done!

The pain from my tooth extraction was v. intense, in fact my gum continued to bleed for about 20 hours afterwards but the pain only lasted a couple of days (with the help of lots of pain killers :0). Sometimes you think the pain is going to last forever, but with the right help or assistance, it really doesn't last as long as you initially thought it would.

Now that my tooth has gone, there is no more pain, and there is no chance of my gum getting an infection. Also my other teeth that were experiencing the pain too stopped hurting.

How many of us know that when we are in pain, sometimes other people in our lives experience the effects of the pain also! Sometimes our work or education suffers – or we just don’t function at the capacity we know that we are able to. You can never truly be happy in a dead relationship – there are NO exceptions!

I can still feel the gap at the back of my mouth, but I have the choice of replacing it with a crown or leaving it as it is. It's just the same when a person is no longer in your life, you would still feel their absence from time to time but there would be no pain and you'll be at peace. After you have truly healed or gotten over the ordeal , you can comfortably choose to have someone else there or do without - at least you can make a healthy choice that is not based on any pain or pressure.

Re-evaluate your relationships today and please be sure to get rid of the dead ones- you'll be all the better off for it!

Til next time - Keep building people, keep buidling dreams.xx

Building People - Building Dreams Part 1 - 'You Can Make A Difference!'

Writer, Mark Twain warned "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. SMALL people always do that, but the REALLY GREAT make you feel that you too, can become great".

Question...how do most people FEEL when they are around you? Do they feel small and insignificant, do they feel used and abused? Do they feel like they can achieve anything, do they feel loved and appreciated?

The key to how you treat people lies in how you THINK about them. It's a matter of ATTITUDE. How you act towards people reveals what you really believe about them.

If you've ever tried to deceive someone, you obviously thought they were dumb enough not to see through your tricks - therefore your actions said that you believed that person was a fool!

A man once said 'Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him WORSE. But treat a man as if he already were what he could potentially be, and you make him what he SHOULD be.'

In 'Buliding Your Mate's Self Esteem', Dennis Railey tells a wonderful story about nuturing hope that can lead to the development of great potential...

There was boy named Tommy who had a particular hard time in school. He continually asked questions. and he could never quite keep up. It seemed that he failed every time he tried something. His teacher finally gave up on him and told his mother that he could not learn and would never amount to much! But Tommy's mother was a NURTURER! She BELIEVED in him. She ended up teaching him at home, and each time he failed, she gave him hope and encouraged him to keep trying!

Whatever happened to Tommy??? Tommy became one of the greatest INVENTORS and BUSINESSMEN in history! His name - THOMAS EDISON.

Edison is famous for being one of the most prolific inventors in history!!! Holding 1,093 U.S. patents in his name, as well as many patents in the United Kingdom, France and Germany. He is credited with numerous inventions that contributed to mass communication and, in particular, telecommunications.

He developed many devices that greatly influenced life around the world, including the phonograph and the long-lasting, practical ELECTRIC LIGHT BULB. His advanced work in these fields was an outgrowth of his early career as a telegraph operator. Edison originated the concept and implementation of electric-power generation and distribution to homes, businesses, and factories - a crucial development in the modern industrialized world. His first POWER PLANT was on Manhattan Island, New York.

Quite an acheivement for someone who was told he would not amount to much because he couldn't catch up!

Maybe you weren't born a nurturing person. Many people find it hard to be positive and loving to others, especially if the environment they grew up in wasn't particulary uplifting! But ANYONE can become a nurturer and add value to others.

Start by cultivating a positive attitude of other-mindedness (it may seem tough at first if you are a naturally self-centreded person), but you too can become a natural nurturer and enjoy the added priviledge of positive influence in the lives of others!!

'Til next time...keep building people, keep building dreams!x